twenty things to twenty something people

one. i know people start these out with their boyfriends, or their best friends, (i mean, even though they are anonymous its completely obvious,) but i'm going to start off with you. you've been there for me more this past year than the last few years. i think you started to slide out of my life back in middle school, and then i shut you out. i could never understand you. i still cant. im your own flesh and blood, and i cant understand you still. eighteen years, and theres that constant, "shes still someone i might not know." but i like that. i think everything you are, i am in some ways, as well. i am the collective conscious, you know, carl jung? the best part about you is your insanity. i love you.

two. hm, you made your way into my life, didnt you? i cant believe it either. you werent someone id casually fall for. you werent even someone i thought id love. and youre everything i need right now. everything i could ask for. everything i do ask for. im sorry if it feels like theres a time frame. im sorry about the ambiguousness of whats going to happen in the rest of the months. what really makes me love you is how much you've changed me. i told you this once in the car, casually, and i did that thing i do that passes it off as any old thing. i just want you to know i meant that, i meant all of that. whichever time you're thinking of, because im sure there are plenty, i meant all of that. you've shaped me into someone i find even sexier and better each day and i love you. call that selfish, but i hope i've shaped you as well. in many ways, i can tell i have. slowly but surely... no matter what happens, ill always have you to thank you for it.

three. you're only three because the last few days ive been thinking about you. i dont know why, its utterly ridiculous since you dont pay me the least bit time of day. anyway, since i've become involved with another guy, ive thought about how i treated you. how i said i loved you, but nothing i did equated to that. who the fuck was i. someone who didnt care. and i never cared to even reflect on it. some odd years later, i do. isnt that odd? look at the effect you had upon me. maybe i loved you after all. i think i did. sorry...

four. you know, i'm proud of you in every way possible. i've been with you throughout every sort of typical middle school/high school endeavor and i love that you say im the only one that truly knows you. because you know, you're probably the only one that truly knows me. isnt that funny? you're so sarcastic and you're SO immature and i try to relish that as much as possible. i hope you know sometimes the actions you take hurt me. not like they're directed towards me or anything, its just, it hurts to see you make such fucking stupid decisions about girls. listen to me. i know you inside out. you're better than every girl you've been with since me, sorryyy.... anyway reading this i have no idea where this is going, since i havent talked to you in ages it seems? whats up with that best friend? i love you.

five. former best friend? i dont want to call you that. friend? yes, someone i want to remain friends with. sometimes i know deep inside you're hiding something from me, but that doesnt bother me anymore. i wish the best for you, only the best, and if you ever want i can take you out and we can dip in optimism. really, we were good for each other back then. i miss you, i miss you a lot. please dont lose touch. just because you live in your own world, doesnt mean i cant peak inside every now and then. i love you.

six. well hello. you know how many times ive said 'thank god we're not typical girls and we dont hate each other'??? well, i'm going to say it again. because honestly you've become one of my best friends this past year and thank god for our non-typical actions we took a couple years ago. reallyyyy. this year and everything we did together made more sense in my life if that makes any sense, minus a few fucking crazies in the way. we're stuck in that 'sea of lies' or whatever you referred to it but its hilarious. im kind of glad i can be blunt and joke and sarcastic and all of the above with you, because when im living next to you i cant wait to be blunt and joke more. thank god for real men, road trips, and all boys colleges? haha, no thanks for crazy fucks who lie like crazy. more can be said about you but you know, it would probably turn into like, a glorification of you. threesome?

seven. haha ok but like, what?! WHAT. are you serious. do you think we're all stupid.

eight. yoouuuu. your laugh is infectious. i love your attitude, personality, its infectious. so many thanks to the past summer spent with you, you're fun. and you being my hairstylist? ah, so many more thanks. please dye it blonder. not so blonde though. you know what i say. and god. only girl i can literally dish all out with. about this and that. sometimes pete nags on me about it, and says we're mouthers or mouth tots? mouth yupps? i dont even know, some stupid nick name he gives people but ah you know what. we're perfectly understandable. love youu. (sorry im loud. i get it from my mom.)

more later? more..

i have a lot of things to say

and i tried to get onto each subject. i havent had the time to say anything about myself, or whats going on lately, because i havent even had time to really sit like this and reflect on it.

i'll say it all later