Friday, June 19, 2009

i couldn't have asked for anything better

what does it mean, moving on? i'm pretty sure i've either figured it out, or i've somehow managed to create my own little version of the sort.

i have not talked to him in almost a week, purely because most of me has no inclination to do so. i guess the only thing at this point that bothers me is that he could possibly have not hurt as much as i did.

but then i realize, after much thought, and maybe thought that shouldn't be thought out, that i'm almost happy with things right now.

brandon said i shouldn't analyze things but i think that's just a part of me i can't deny. i will always analyze my situation. i mean, obviously, what am i doing now?

i guess what i'm trying to say is that i do like someone else. he's new. i can't stop realizing how soon this all is. but, i guess part of me just wants to have fun. so i guess i'm having fun with him?

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

in the past two days ive surprised myself completely. a complete other side of me i guess i like to either repress or just ignore came out. i know i should keep this all a secret, but i'm yearning to just talk to someone about it so they can tell me how crazy i'm actually acting. or maybe they can just tell me that it's not really that crazy at all.

because, thinking about it, what happened sunday was probably just out of. well. spite. my own bitter contempt that i had after saturday. which, was shitty, but completely overshadowed by non-shitty things. but anyway. my actions were not those which i would ever, ever do. minus the fact that i did it. and minus the fact that well, i sort of wanted to do it anyways. hence the reason why it happened. still, i let my sanity take place again a minute into my debauchery (which, obviously means i stopped i from going anywhere) that i really, honestly don't think that it counts. and really, it's not even a big deal after all, now that i think about it. moving on.

and monday is a completely different story. i stayed up till sunrise talking to someone new. maybe initiating something in the process. and i have to say that i'm interested. very much so.

but then again, the only reason why i want to consider these acts crazy is because i'm still in love with him, and even though i know at this rate it will wear off, i don't want it to.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

and just so you know

i don't know what i expect to do with myself.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

i'm just so fucking upset. i want to puke. i'm going to.

Friday, June 12, 2009

A Few things i've been feeling

Few, but varied i'd say.

just a Few.

but i'd never thought that i'd feel this way, about everything, and so unsure. why? i don't really understand. i was so happy. now i just don't know what to be.

it was like a drug experience at animal collective. and i wasn't on drugs. well, technically but i see past them being any big deal. but anyway, black dice has a really nice live show, even if you don't like their music. and of course animal collective was amazing. the light show went with the cover of mpp, or so that was my interpretation.

i almost hate the people who come in for trivia. but then i love some other people. so it's a fifty fifty and i guess i still haven't decided so i wonder why i even mention this.

although it goes with the fact i am desperate for prospects of a second job. not like i'm going to lose mine, just, kind of, you know, looking to actually make money this summer.

oh well. things will figure themselves out. i've decided i'm going to order some chains on the internet and start something else to occupy my time with.

Monday, June 8, 2009

i think i realized last night how scared i am that i might lose you. because, i wasn't before, maybe because i hadn't thought about it. but, once it was brought to my attention, all i could focus on was the lump in my throat. and the panic i was feeling. it was overwhelming.

and i think i'm more in love with you than ever. i think you mean it too.