ive tried, desperately attempted to get over you in so many ways the past couple months. all i have to show for it is a new found love for my cat and smoking by myself. everything else doesnt make any sense without you. at least for now. youve situated yourself, and youre going nowhere. and im holding you, alright, alright.
i have a real eyedea for things. apparently, since i'm a pisces, i have psychic qualities. somehow this seems to solve every problem i've ever developed with myself. i can't say these psychic qualities really hinder me that much though.
if anything it allows me to be honest, sans brutality. i'm just enough honest for your own good, and my own good, so don't take it for granted this second time around.
if that's what it is. more like i'm always someones favorite doll that talks, eats, sleeps, and fucks real good. i might be something more to them, but i know firsthand the way they talk to me.
but i can collect you too.
she is demonstrative of love, and likes healthy pleasures.
although I can't say we are together in a traditional sense, I can say I am yours, as you are mine. I can't deny you. It's altogether unusual for me.
I almost want to forget our past relationship. Only because now I know what you have to say about it. But I guess things like this deserve a second chance. I need to hold on to my memory of meeting you, and falling for you, and giving up a half relationship to pursue you.
And this one night, I was really drunk and we had just gone to some party and you were in a paint suit. I think it had just rained, or something of that sort, and the fog was heavy over the city. 6 floors up and we had sex in the clouds, or that's what I kept repeating and I was so loud. I don't want to forget about things like that.
I like to humor men on Marta solely because it might add some entertainment to a rather tedious and boring part of my day. Today I met a man who had just been released from prison for not paying his bail, and another man who went to Bass High School in Little Five before it became the Lofts... I tried to take off the Used Book stickers off my book but I just couldn't really figure out the effective manner. My grapes seriously have butts in them.
I washed my face and looked and noticed that I was glowing. Seriously. I'm glowing. This is why I miss having sex.
they said they thought you had schizophrenia. i hate that i had no idea. i hate this happened to you. i want to be with you three times over. i love you.
separate from the center. always think a bit off center. sometimes you'll be surprised by the amount of relief you'll feel. because it's all better when you're solid, alone, state of mind clear because it's only influenced by those things you chose to bring upon yourself. whatever. clear.
in a week i start school again. time, time. i'm having trouble remembering things.
really trying to make myself look sober for my parents in time, but i cant stop looking at things.
who would have known that i actually like the fish sandwich/yuca fries/fried plantains at papi's? she is back home with me
what's in my trashcan kind of upsets me. in general, things have upset me the past week. i'm a mess of myself right now.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
i kind of feel like nothing at all is happening in my life. and this is after i felt like i had no hold over anything.
i still feel that way, now that i think about it.
but i really, honestly, need to enjoy my time in solitude. or maybe it's that i desperately need someone to spend my time with. it's one or the other and i'm no good at figuring it out.
