" Lets take life and slow it down incredibly slow, frame by frame with two minutes that take ten years to live out. Yeah, lets do that."

List making seems appropriate. Sometimes the only way to outlet my emotions is to list them in some sort of order that adds sense to them, as if I couldn't make sense of them in the first place. Which is exactly the case, I've always had a hard time making sense of my emotions so most of the time I pacify them, or typify them as something else. If I could relate the way I'm feeling right now, about myself, about my life, my current state I guess you would say, I would compare it to this one experience I had.

Except it's a third-grader's memory. Well, I had the memory back when I was in third grade. But I was the happiest I can remember, not because things were all going my way, I was just inside of a waterfall. Really, somewhere we hiked to, we climbed into this natural insert and all of a sudden I'm able to look to my right to a wall of literal water. Side stone, side water, roof above me, and a stale flat floor. All I could smell was this mossy, earth smell. Which might be why I love dew on grass, because it's sort of like that, but honestly I love dew on grass for other reasons. So I guess this memory is completely separate.

I wasn't jumping from a waterfall, or watching it from afar, I was inside of it. I was part of it's construction, I could run my fingers through it. Like sort of when you drag your fingers along a fence. Except I didn't feel caged, or trapped, I was not overwhelmed.

I don't even remember really how we got there. I know we must have hiked, but I can't remember the pathway we took. I also wonder if my memory of the waterfall was accurate. It was so grandiose and so, just, so. You can't really do much but sort of look at it. You can sort of see your shadow against it. I don't know. I was in third grade.

But with him I sort of feel that way. Nothing similar, but that feeling I probably had. Not sure how I got there, but completely satisfied with it. I'm surrounded by people I didn't know half a year ago, and I'm with him, someone I never really planned to meet. But, I did. I'm completely different than the person I was in these little senses yet somehow I've returned to the person I've felt comfortable with once before. I really don't know how things panned out this way, but I guess that's how life is supposed to work out. Or maybe mine. Honestly I don't know why I bother trying to figure out those questions like "How did I get here?" because there are too many here's and how's to ask in my life that I guess I've come to the realization that...

I'm going to be hiking, some path, and I'll walk into some waterfall, and I'll be happy. I guess that's my life, just a sort of random, wandering, hike. Hike because it's not just a walk, it's harder than that. Hike because I actually put effort into myself.

I forgot about the list. I guess I'm still sort of forming that in my head.