i'm sinking into my bed right now. i feel like i am sinking. i feel upset. i feel unsure. unsteady. i would like to genuinely apologize to you. sometimes i deny realities. situations. i live in my own world. i told you this, that i've trained myself to be detached. you have to realize that i have given myself to someone before, only to realize i had only received half of the other in return. i can only, now, go out of my way to evade the situation in the first place. because i can't explain to you how empty i have felt, and how empty i do feel because of it.

i struggle with this. and you have your own collective faults. but i just can't seem to understand the effect you have on me. when you sound upset with me, my stomach sinks. to even consider you upset with me is something that is nearly baffling to me. to see how much of an effect i have on you is something i won't take lightly. you have managed yourself into a portion of my thoughts. maybe i am just a little scared, and that is why i come off as if i don't care in the first place.

i will work on my frivolity.


if you really want me, the way you say you do, i am yours. official, exclusive, whatever the hell. i take this as seriously as you do. i would feel emptier than before without you, at this point.