several things

truth... i'm so happy with my life. each day i'm more and more unappreciative of my current state. definitely. i'll go to bed regretting the way i treated this person, or that person, because honestly all they deserve is 'thank you' and every indication of my compassion towards them. hm. the two years i've spent here really turned me into someone i respect, someone who i've always knew i could be.. anyway, why i'm saying all of this.

a week ago isabelle, a very good, old friend from virginia came to atlanta and i got to visit. we made plans to hang out, and once i got off the phone with her i found myself on the verge of tears. like, not even happy tears. tears void of emotion. it was the weirdest thing i've ever had happen to me. i wonder how i sound admitting this. anyway, i tried to explain to pete that i've finally realized that... i actually live here. what i meant was, having her, here, seeing me in my environment with a bunch of friends really solidified the fact that i no longer am who i was back in virginia. i've totally changed. it felt as if, i could honestly be myself around someone from there. if that doesnt make any sense, basically every time i visit there i always found myself in some alter-experience. like, i had been detached from some place, but time froze there, and id be back to 2005 still the same person. it's weird, that feeling. for some reason it was finally like thats not the case anymore. all it took was someone from my past coming down to see me in the present. it was so easy talking to her. like i couldnt stop. i was still aching to hear about how everyone was but it was great to know... its not so polarized anymore.

none of this makes sense i bet. its been some ongoing struggle, that never made any sense, but now it's evaporated and i feel so much older.

lie... 'i hate it here.'
that's so far from the truth.