something that has just annoyed me

when you go to washington dc, at least get the metro right... its not called the "midway" or the "subway."

lately

i'm starting to forget my past. so much that i dont remember his birthday, or this event, or that relationship, and what it entailed. people, and occurrences, in my life, that at the time were seemingly important have slipped my mind. i'm asked constantly by old friends, "you cant remember the time we did this?" never was i inebriated or under the influence of anything.. nothing like that. i've flat out forgot them. i've realized that im so wrapped up in my present and future that i've almost forgotten... or you could say.. denied, ignored my past. my make up. my root, my core... what i was so proud of. or maybe now, since ive grown, changed, i shouldnt be proud anymore.

i guess what this means is.. i'm losing that part of me i tried so hard to hold onto.... my flighty attitude, my reckless inhibitions. its image is slowly being broken down, and the appeal i placed on it for so long. no, it wasnt ok to hurt him like that. and no, it wasnt ok to hurt him again. its not possible to just instant message someone out of the blue, someone who at once meant something to you at one point - or so you thought, and expect him to be the happiest person to hear from you.

talking to him, to you, again, was really hard for me. it was so cordial, so flat. stale, almost. what do you think of me, these two years since we last saw each other? you fell for a good friend of mine a year ago, why didnt that hurt me until now? 'college is this,' your diction was that of my high school counsler. i dont understand it. how we can go from love-struck teens to this, this, which i'll never hear from you again until i get the audacity to instant message you again. or maybe ill run into you that time, like i did once before, but it wont mean anything other day a meet and greet. maybe this is my inability to accept the way it is now. but i cant help but think how detatched and unemotional we've become towards each other.

its my fault...

CHRISTMAS

wishlist. of course. im so in the mood this year, ive got a plan for this or that gift for my close friends and im really just excited for one big christmas party with hors d'oeuvres and a nice smell. so in the mood this year. what is up with me. anyway, heres my list... in no order.

nikon coolpix camera. this goes without saying. you know, since my dad ran over my old camera, and now, even though i find less and less use for one as i get older... can i really pass up the newer version of my old camera i loved so much? 8 mega pixels?! seriously? its mine, im getting it.

macbook. like, ok, anyone i know knows how much i hate apple products. its kind of my sisters fault, she really talked me into its validity as a product. and maybe since the cute new dells are really just plastic shits that will break, i want a reliable laptop for college. oh, i've looked into it. im fully prepared to stick every single microsoft program i stand by onto that laptop if i do end up with a mac. only for that reason that i severly hate apple products, but i cant resist the new macbooks. oh, and actually i'll be satisfied with any good new pc laptop. i'll probably be overjoyed if they're the ones with the camera. all im saying is that this one looks cute, and theres this company that does personal designs on the front.. anyway.

(A CAR. although i know i wont end up with one until way into 2008 because of the 'necessary college expenses' my father has set aside. preferably a mini cooper or a new vw gti.)

marc jacobs cucumber splash fragrance. probably my favorite...

various clothes and accessories:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

this is tiring. happy holidays.... ?