i have pink eye, hah hah. what a funny little happenstance. "did ben fart on your pillow?" it will go away soon. hopefully along with my cold that ben and I have managed to pass back and forth. actually, not just us. everyone we know. literally.

I do not quite know why you have insisted yourself upon me, but you have lately. I hadn't seen you for weeks, and now I hear from you too often. Really, what are we doing? Is this friendship? You're barely a friend. I don't want to be friends with you, we were never quite friends. And thinking about it, you're not really a good friend at all. To any of your friends. Maybe that's why most of your friends plus those you were acquaintances with became some of my close friends. But, that's another story, and I guess it doesn't really concern with what I have to say to you.

I don't really want to say it to you, because honestly I'd like to speak to you as little as possible. I see you as kind of a dead-beat, I think everyone can agree. But I'll say it here. You never meant that much to me. You were honestly a rebound that blew up too quickly and became something when really it never meant slightly more than nothing. I was only attracted to you maybe because you were so different than what I had been accustomed to for over a year and a half. Maybe I was attracted to that dead-beat sense of style for a while. Anyway it happened, I let it happen, and it took a track on a different path than I expected, at first I was completely unsure but then I just let it take it's course. I remember I had to convince myself that I was satisfied and happy with you. You were laughing at something stupid I said. People laughing with me is generally what leads me to like them. Maybe that's why I let you in.

I heard you say 'I love you' one night and it threw me off. Completely. And everything that followed the next week would throw me off even more. And maybe you facilitated the first instance of depression I can claim. It's not because of you, not at all. But you helped it build.

So, yes, I wiped you off my plate and I cleaned it up real nice. I think I did a good job of forgetting about you, forgiving you, but at the same time moving on. I never planned on us being friends, but only acquaintances because we do still have the same friends. And I really didn't harbor any hard feelings towards you, because I had found my own sanity and happiness which I still can claim today. Obviously now, that you've seen it possible to contact me again it's apparent you're not over me. Or maybe it's something else I just don't understand. But you've seen me with him, you could tell I was happy.

But, honestly, I'm not in the mood and I don't have time. You make everytime I see you awkward, and the texts/calls which follow just add to it. You saw me with him, and I know you fixated upon my happiness. So don't send me texts about how I'm in your dreams. It's not reciprocated. You never were really in mine to begin with.

This is really all I have left to say to you. I guess at the same time I can say, thank you, because you introduced me to some really great people. It's unfortunate that it turned out this way but... Maybe it's just the way it's meant to be.