Belle & Sebastian - Beautiful

I think I'd rather swallow it whole than spit it up. And when I feel it coming up, I send it back down with a glass of water.

And by swallowing it whole, I mean denying it. And by spitting it up, I mean talking about it. And my only method it seems to send it back down, is not with a glass of water but instead with every means possible to allow my mind to trail elsewhere. It's undeniable how much you can forget things when you're drunk, working, sleeping, stoned, eating, kissing, and maybe there's more but that's not the point.

(it finally hit me the other night.
i couldn't think. i just walked off. i didn't understand what I was doing, or why. and I heard you running towards me. and then you grabbed me, held me, i cried a little at first, but the harder you held on to me the harder i started to cry.

you asked, but i couldn't spit it up. all i could manage to say was that it was 'family stuff' and even that was hard for me to admit. family. tangled and mangled. or so it seems in my head. but you helped me swallow it back down.

you.)