in the past two days ive surprised myself completely. a complete other side of me i guess i like to either repress or just ignore came out. i know i should keep this all a secret, but i'm yearning to just talk to someone about it so they can tell me how crazy i'm actually acting. or maybe they can just tell me that it's not really that crazy at all.

because, thinking about it, what happened sunday was probably just out of. well. spite. my own bitter contempt that i had after saturday. which, was shitty, but completely overshadowed by non-shitty things. but anyway. my actions were not those which i would ever, ever do. minus the fact that i did it. and minus the fact that well, i sort of wanted to do it anyways. hence the reason why it happened. still, i let my sanity take place again a minute into my debauchery (which, obviously means i stopped i from going anywhere) that i really, honestly don't think that it counts. and really, it's not even a big deal after all, now that i think about it. moving on.

and monday is a completely different story. i stayed up till sunrise talking to someone new. maybe initiating something in the process. and i have to say that i'm interested. very much so.

but then again, the only reason why i want to consider these acts crazy is because i'm still in love with him, and even though i know at this rate it will wear off, i don't want it to.